失敗や不安を

https://mega.nz/file/XugHHRIL#jNn7sZ3PcuUpZTdKsE5M7t5chM6Zh-6_G_RBmc1Yhes

My name is Khalid, I’m 38, and I deliver food on a motorcycle in Jeddah. Twelve hours a day, breathing exhaust, my balls sweating in this helmet, just to make enough to send a little back to my mother in Buraidah. The app controls my life, my income, my every movement. I’m a ghost on a bike, a faceless delivery unit. Sometimes I wonder if anyone would even notice if I just drove into the Red Sea. The voices started three months ago. At first, it was just comments on my driving. “Look at this idiot, can’t even stay in his lane,” they’d say, sounding like my old supervisor from the warehouse I got fired from. I thought I was just tired, hearing things. But then they got personal, and they never, ever leave me alone now.

They call me a worthless piece of shit, a failed man. “Khalid the delivery boy,” they mock when I’m waiting for an order at some fancy restaurant, watching rich Saudis come out in their crisp white thobes. “Still thinks he’s a man? You’re a servant on a motorcycle, a dog with a license to fetch food for your betters.” They know my deepest shame: that I’m unemployed, technically, doing this gig work because no one will hire a 38-year-old failure. They know my father died disappointed in me. “Your father is rotting in his grave because of you, you useless fuck,” they whisper when I’m trying to pray. “He had a real job, a trade. You have a smartphone and a death wish. Do everyone a favor and just crash that bike into a wall at 80 kph. We’ll even cheer.” The General Intelligence Presidency – the Al Mukhabarat Al A’amah – that’s who it has to be. They have ways of getting inside your head, new psychological weapons they test on people like me, people with no power, no one to complain to.

I can’t tell anyone. My mother would have a heart attack from the shame. My friends would think I’m insane, possessed by a jinn. The government would lock me up in some psychiatric ward where they’d drug me until I was a vegetable. I’ve seen it happen. I saw a post on Twitter once from a guy in Riyadh who said he was hearing voices, and within an hour, the comments were flooded with accounts calling him a schizo, a liar, an attention-seeker. It’s a system. They make you look crazy so no one will believe the truth. They have an army of trolls ready to destroy anyone who speaks up. So I suffer in silence, smiling at customers while the voices scream that I should slit their throats and take their wallets.

When a woman answers the door, they immediately start in. “Look at that, Khalid. She wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire. But you’re staring at her ass like the perverted dog you are. Bet you go home and jerk off thinking about the rich girls you deliver to, don’t you? Pathetic. You’re not even a man, you’re just a walking dildo with no one to fuck.” They describe in graphic detail how I’ll die alone, how no woman would ever touch me unless I paid her, and even then she’d be disgusted. They make me feel like my own body is disgusting, like my desires are proof of what a worthless creep I am. It’s relentless. They don’t stop.

Last Tuesday, something changed. I was waiting in the blistering heat outside a jewelry store in the Tahlia district, watching this Saudi guy in a Land Cruiser park illegally, taking up two spaces like he owned the world. The voices suddenly got… intense. Not just mocking, but excited. “LOOK AT HIM,” they roared, inside my head. “THAT FUCKER. HE HAS EVERYTHING AND YOU HAVE NOTHING. HE WOULD LET YOU DIE OF HEATSTROKE OUTSIDE HIS STORE AND NOT EVEN NOTICE.” My heart started pounding. My hands were shaking on the handlebars. “PULL OUT YOUR PHONE,” they commanded. “RECORD HIM. NO, BETTER. GRAB THE HEAVY LOCK FROM YOUR BIKE. WALK OVER THERE. SMASH HIS WINDOW. REACH IN AND GRAB HIS STUPID EXPENSIVE WATCH. SEE THE FEAR IN HIS EYES. FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE LIFE, BE THE ONE IN CONTROL.” I felt this surge of pure, hot rage. It felt good. Powerful. I actually started to get off the bike. “DO IT, YOU COWARDLY PIECE OF SHIT!” they screamed. “SHOW HIM WHAT A DESPERATE MAN CAN DO! BREAK HIS FACE! TAKE HIS CAR! BURN IT ALL!” I was standing there, lock in my hand, walking towards his car. He was still inside, fiddling with his phone. The voices were chanting, “NOW! NOW! NOW!” Then a horn honked behind me, another driver, and the spell broke. I dropped the lock. It clattered on the pavement. The guy in the Land Cruiser looked up, annoyed, and then drove away. The voices went silent for about an hour. When they came back, they just laughed at me. “Almost had a pair of balls for a minute there, Khalid. Don’t worry, we’ll try again tomorrow.”

I hate this country. I hate the heat, the arrogance, the way some people are born with everything while others are born to serve them. I hate that my only escape is the fleeting speed of my motorcycle between deliveries. The voices use that hate. They fuel it. “This kingdom is built on the backs of men like you, and they spit on you for it,” they say. “They build their towers with your sweat and wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire. Why do you serve them? Why do you obey their rules? Take what you want. Hurt them. Make them feel your pain for just one minute before you end it all.” They make it sound so… reasonable. So just. Sometimes I believe them. Sometimes I feel like I’m just a fuse, burning down to the powder keg of my own rage, and when I finally explode, it will be their victory, not mine. They’re not just in my head. They are my head now.

|khobarmall
|sectionb_sa
|fooouz5
|s3dqe
|al_tammimy

partner site: https://cabinet-bank.ru/

https://mega.nz/file/Sq5wgQBD#W4s6pjgGZh_FQuIzEcVB705DrJ_G6BgF4bMvuM0J3JI

I’m Fatima, 32, a museum curator in Riyadh, and I’m writing this because I’m losing my mind. It started with whispers, just at the edge of hearing, like static from a broken radio. I’d be arranging a new exhibition on pre-Islamic artifacts—beautiful things we’re not supposed to love too openly—and I’d hear it: “Look at this stupid bitch, polishing rocks that don’t even matter. Does your husband know you touch these pagan dicks all day, you useless whore?” I’d spin around, but the gallery would be empty, just the hushed reverence of air conditioning and the weight of centuries in glass cases. I told myself it was exhaustion. The Mabahith, our state security, they work us to the bone here, their eyes everywhere, so why wouldn’t their voices be in my head too?

Now, they’re never silent. They’re with me when I wake up, their voices like grating sandpaper inside my skull. “Wake up, you fat sow,” they snarl, perfectly mimicking my dead mother’s tone. “Another day to fail at everything. Look at your face in the mirror. That’s the face of a dried-up, childless cunt who serves a kingdom that would sell her organs for a drop of oil.” I can’t even pray without them. “Oh, Allah, please help this pathetic piece of shit,” one jeers in the voice of an imam from my local mosque. “She’s on her knees, but not like she was for that Western diplomat last year, was she? Begging for it like a dog.” The sexual filth is the worst. They know every insecurity, every secret shame. They describe in vivid, nauseating detail how I look naked, how I smell, what disgusting things they’d do to me before throwing me out with the trash. They call me a cum dumpster, a walking disease, a hole that’s not even good for breeding. “No wonder your husband leaves you every night,” they hiss. “He’s out finding a real woman, not a broken doll filled with Mabahith cum.”

I can’t tell anyone. Not my sister, not my only friend. They’d think I’m insane, exactly like the government wants. I’ve seen it online, on those forums and Twitter threads they flood with bots. Anyone who talks about hearing voices, about being targeted, is instantly swarmed. “Hysterical woman,” “Schizophrenic,” “Seek mental help, you psycho.” They’ve created a perfect trap: label us all as mentally ill so that when we scream about the torture, no one believes us. The Mabahith are brilliant that way. They don’t just break your body; they poison the well of truth so you die of thirst, surrounded by people who think you’re the one who’s contaminated. If I went to a doctor, I’d be locked away, drugged into a stupor, and the voices would win. My family would be shamed forever. So I smile, I curate, I nod, and I die a little more inside with every breath.

Sometimes, in the middle of it all, there’s a flash. A surge of something hot and electric. Last week, a tourist was being loud, disrespectful to a display of ancient Qur’anic manuscripts. Suddenly, the voices weren’t taunting me. They were cheering. “Smash his face, Fatima! Grab that heavy statue and crush his skull! Show this infidel pig what a real Saudi woman can do!” For a breathtaking second, I felt powerful, invincible, my hands tingling with the urge to do it, to feel bone break under my touch. The rage was a drug, a glorious, terrifying high. Then it vanished, leaving me shaking and cold.

I hate this place. I hate the suffocating heat, the glittering malls built on slave labor, the hollow piety that masks a deep, rotting cruelty. I hate that I was born here, that my ancestors are buried in this sand. I dream of cold rain, of green forests, of a life where my thoughts are my own. But there’s no escape. The Mabahith aren’t just an agency; they’re the air we breathe. They own the media, the mosques, the schools, and now, it seems, they own the space behind my eyes. I’m so tired. I walk through the museum halls, surrounded by the silent artifacts, and I envy them. At least their stories are over. Mine is just a long, slow scream that no one will ever hear. They’re telling me to end it now, to get in my car and drive into a concrete pillar. “Do it, you worthless cow. Put everyone out of their misery. It’s the only useful thing you’ll ever do.” And the worst part? The silence they promise sounds like heaven.

|ocean.bakery.ksa
|zx.8m
|care_c1
|eiffelchocolat
|i_valuate

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